Autistically created.....

He was just four years old. We had already lived what felt like a lifetime of  struggles. Could we really be this bad at parenting? Why is it so hard to love him?

When I was pregnant I had dreams of a cute well mannered little boy, calm and obedient. A child you would see at church on Sunday sitting reverently in the pew, the child that went straight to sleep when you put him to bed, A  loving little boy, who loved to give hugs and kisses and giggled when you would kiss him back. The kind of kid that would grow up and be envied. A product of his mothers love for sure.

My dreams were shattered when reality hit just a few weeks in. Heaven didn't get the memo about the angel child I had signed up for. He cried, quite literally for the first 9 months of his life. He was picky about food, making meal time a 2 hour ordeal. sleep? ya, who needs sleep? constantly sick, doctors were a close second to most frequented places and not once did anyone say, "its not you, its him"
Unsure of my less than desirable results of raising this child, I was expecting again when he was just 2 years old. I was excited at the fact that maybe I would get a another chance at getting it right the second time around. And I did. Sort of.  A sweet little girl, so perfect in every way... It was at this moment I realized that there was a chance it wasn't me. It could be him, and it could be fixable.

Diagnosed at the age of 4 with Aspergers. A form of Autism, I was told. Little did I  know that the really hard job was just beginning. Just in time to find out we would be having another baby. The first couple of years we really just did the minimum. Early Intervention Preschool, and a lot of learning about this Autism thing.  It wasn't until he was 7 years old and 3 siblings later that we began to fight back. It was at that moment that we decided that WE would define Autism and that Autism wouldn't define us! Lots of visits to the University and psychiatrists to help us really get a grip and understand what had to be done. His diagnosis was later changed and expanded in 2008 to the following...

Mild Depression (with suicidal thoughts as young as 4 yrs old)

Pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) is a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD), and is also considered one of the three autism spectrum disorders (ASD). PDD-NOS is often called atypical autism)

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a diagnosis described by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as an ongoing pattern of anger guided disobedience, hostilely defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. People may appear very stubborn and often angry.

Attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a mental or neurobehavioral disorder^[1] characterized by either significant difficulties of inattention or hyperactivity and impulsiveness or a combination of the two.

Sensory processing disorder or SPD is a neurological disorder causing difficulties with taking in, processing, and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within the own body (visual, auditory, tactile, olfaction, gustatory, vestibular, and proprioception).
For those identified as having SPD, sensory information may be sensed and perceived in a way that is different from most other people. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information can be received by people with SPD, the difference is that information is often registered, interpreted and processed differently by the brain. The result can be unusual ways of responding or behaving, finding things harder to do. Difficulties may typically present as difficulties planning and organizing, problems with doing the activities of everyday life (self care, work and leisure activities), and for some with extreme sensitivity, sensory input may result in extreme avoidance of activities, agitation, distress, fear or confusion.^[1]

  Now, it was beginning to make sense. It wasn't me all along. To say that we have struggled to understand his needs, just might be the biggest understatement. EVER.
And as it turns out, Heaven did listen. I did get my precious little boy. I was just going to have to peel off the layers to find this sweet, loving spirit inside his body.

The story doesn't stop here. There are in fact 3 more children, and while I have learned that they are all perfect in their own way, we did not escape the Autism diagnosis or Sensory Processing Disorder being given again. We most recently are seeing some ADHD in our 3rd child and some ODD in our second. While we may or may not decide to go forward in getting official diagnosis' for the last two, I will most certainly help them to live and be successful and happy and all because of Essential oils. Making life going forward a little less stressful, and a little more happy.